No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
