This is not my ceiling
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My boob is missing a layer of skin
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
