My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
