Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
