dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
