Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
