best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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