If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
