there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
