I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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