Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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