Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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