What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
