what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
