Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
