Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
