Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
