so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
