fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
