Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
