it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
