Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
