Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
