we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
