why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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