Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
