So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
