My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the condom got lost in my hair
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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