I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my being single is dangerous.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
