But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
