u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
