Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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