I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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