I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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