it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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