she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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