so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
