Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
