Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
