I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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