Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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