I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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