no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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