When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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