Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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