theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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