what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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