I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
