Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
