My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love having hate sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
