Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
