If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
