Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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