Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
