Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize