he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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