Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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