so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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