Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
