You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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