My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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