Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
