And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
