The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
