Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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