Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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