He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
