My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
