I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
