I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
