I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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