I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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