Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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